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39:16 Its the hard way but its the right way – Matthew Leffler 2003 – Now aka Kymatt19.LiveJournal.com

39:16 Its the hard way but its the right way

So after a weekend of redoing a reconciliation the ex redid the need for a reconciliation. And he said “I’m done” and that I dont understand…his great change though was to stop weekly blocking my texts when I ask that he be an active member of this partnership. Now he doesnt block them he just doesnt read them. Its the same and nothing changed but the color of Cause he hasnt been he is a part time participant not a full time active equal member of us. He claims he’s got this issue and that to stop him from making progress and blocking his ability to be a reliable lover. He just doesnt want too. I think he knows this could be something but he may just not be able to stand up and put himself into it. Meanwhile I’m torn every week…I get maybe 3 days of what I need and then at least 4 days of damage control and struggling to get him to show any effort.

So he’s done. And I mean that like Joe Warring style. Whats that? Another ex of mine would weekly break up with me and finally one weekend I said yes you are done. Take your issues and go, a week later he acted like we were fine and I said no, you said we’re done and I cant be with anyone who gives up so regularly. He learned hopefully for future relationships that unless you’re actually done you can’t say you are … or the other person may gain some self respect and hold you to your decision.

So at the end of this … I love someone who wasn’t able to show up for us. I’m mad too…the longer this goes on the more mad I’m getting and the more damage HE is doing to us. All he has to do is be excited about me like I am about him, but he isn’t so the only thing I can do is to disappear…to make him disappear from my life. The last legacy of his touch to my life is ultimately going to be negative. If I allowed myself to feel the full effect of his role in my life I’d probably not trust anyone and become basically what he is … but I can’t become him. Lonely and unavailable to others, missing opportunities to make my life better with someone as a team…thats not going to be me. It doesnt have to be him either … but its been his choice … and its his choice to undo it if he wants to matter in my life.

Goodbye Cody Garner, you’ve been headed for the door for months and I’m not stopping ya from leaving anymore.

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